How Avoidant Attachment Affects Your Dating Life
How avoidant attachment affect your life? If you’ve been dating for a while, it’s not uncommon to meet someone who seemed outgoing, easygoing, and charmingzz when you first met. They may have lavished attention on you, purchased gifts and flowers for you, and scheduled romantic dates for you. It felt like you’d found “the one” you’d been looking for when you first met them.
They ghosted as things got a little more serious and emotionally personal. It was as if nothing had occurred. Or perhaps they began nitpicking as a means of justifying their absence. This type of action frequently leaves the other person perplexed, angry, sad, and embarrassed. If this sounds familiar, you may have dated someone who was Avoidant/ Dismissive in their attachment style. Follow PowerPAC plus to learn more!!!
What is Avoidant attachment?
According to John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory, there are four attachment types (which describe how a person interacts with their partner in a relationship):
- Attachment anxiety
- Attachment anxiety avoidant
- Attachment that is disorganized
- Attachment style that is secure
When someone tries to avoid emotional connection, attachment, and closeness to other people, it is referred to as dismissive-avoidant attachment. A person who suffers from dismissive avoidant attachment is unlikely to pursue romantic connections and may actively avoid them. An anxious attachment style is the polar opposite of a dismissive attachment style. People with an avoidant attachment style tend to keep their distance from others. They frequently ignore closeness and may struggle to perceive themselves and others in a favorable light.
A dismissive-avoidant person is usually quite self-sufficient. “Extreme independence, not asking for help, creating a lot of boundaries, withdrawing from their spouse when getting too close” are examples of dismissive-avoidant tendencies. Dismissive-avoidant people are generally secretive and dogmatic, refusing to let their own ideas be changed by others and, in some cases, not even expressing their plans at all.
When someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style tries to become close to them, they may withdraw totally from the relationship or friendship. They may be perceived as aloof, frigid, and closed off.
Those who have dismissive-avoidant attachment are more likely to have short and superficial romantic relationships, in which the connection is casual and frequently ends shortly. Short and informal relationships allow the dismissive-avoidant person to avoid feeling connected to others while also denying others the chance to feel close to them.
How Avoidant/Dismissive attachment developed
Infants and children need to build a tight bond with their parent or caregiver during their childhood. When attempts to build a stable attachment are repeatedly rejected, a child may learn to repress their desire for comfort when worried or upset.
When a parent or caregiver is regularly emotionally unavailable or insensitive to the needs of a baby or young kid, avoidant attachment develops. Infants with an avoidant attachment style may have been discouraged from crying or exhibiting outward emotion on multiple occasions.
- A parent or caregiver of a kid with avoidant attachment disorder may do the following:
- a lack of knowledge about how to help their child
- empathy deficit
- obligations as a parent make you feel overwhelmed
- haven’t developed a feeling of responsibility
- individuals having an avoidant attachment style
Avoidant attachment children may become disconnected from their own wants and feelings. These children may learn to self-soothe and believe that they are the only ones who can help them. As a result, they lack the motivation or faith in others to seek assistance or support.
Symptoms of avoidant attachment in adulthood
A youngster with an avoidant attachment style may not show any signs of wanting to be close, affectionate, or loved. When the child is in a difficult setting, however, the youngster will experience the same stress and anxiety responses as a child with stable attachment.
These youngsters may also desire to be around but not interact with their primary caregiver. They may also refuse to be touched by their caregiver.
Attachment types, as well as the behaviors that go with them, can endure far into adulthood. Social interactions and bonds are only on the surface for avoidant adults. A connection must develop deep in order to be meaningful and fulfilling. When dealing with an avoidant person, this is when you’ll ‘strike a brick wall.’
Adults who have a dismissive / avoidant attachment style appear to be content with who they are and where they are in life. They may be outgoing, easygoing, and enjoyable to be around. Furthermore, these people may have a large number of friends and/or sexual partners. They are not, in general, lonely or alone.
Adults who avoid confrontation are more likely to be self-sufficient. Their self-esteem is high, and they do not seek reassurance or emotional support from others. Such people are more likely to invest in their professional development and to gain confidence with each personal achievement. They appear to be in command.
Traits of avoidant attachment in romantic relationships
These people will allow you to be around them but not let you in. They tend to avoid overt shows of intimacy and closeness. When matters get severe, dismissive/avoidant people are more likely to close themselves off.
Such persons may try to find an excuse to quit a relationship at this point. Their partner’s conduct, habit, or even physical appearance may irritate them greatly. As a result, they begin to wander off and distance themselves from their partner. Adults who have this attachment type believe that emotional closeness is unnecessary in their life.
Adults with avoidant attachment have the following characteristics:
- Keeping emotional closeness in partnerships to a minimum
- feeling as if their spouses are clingy when all they want to do is grow emotionally close
- retreating from society and dealing with harsh problems on one’s own
- repressing feelings
- skipping complaining in favor of sulking or implying what is wrong
- repressing unpleasant memories
- avoiding unpleasant discussions or views by withdrawing or zoning out
- dread of being rejected
- having a strong sense of self-sufficiency
- possessing a high sense of self-worth while having an unfavorable opinion of others
- being overly concerned with their own wants and desires
How to Build a Healthier Attachment Style
You might be completely content in your freedom if you have an avoidant dismissive attachment style. However, you may desire a more serious love relationship or a closer contact with your family members at some point. When these desires surface, someone with dismissive avoidant attachment may be unsure where to start. Here’s what you may do if you want to strengthen your bonds with others.
Prioritize open and honest communication with family and friends.
One alternative is to move forward in life without making any adjustments, which is, of course, one option. In reality, if this attachment type is comfortable and beneficial for you, you can have deep connections without altering yourself, but it “takes a lot of work and communication to ensure expectations are conveyed and understood,” according to the study.
Reach out to therapy
Counseling is another method that may be more long-term viable. You can seek help from a therapist who specializes in relationships or is familiar with attachment theory. You can also talk to any therapist you’re comfortable with, as they should all be familiar with attachment theory.
Dismissive attachment treatment
Avoidant attachment can make it difficult for people to have healthy, rewarding relationships with their spouses, family, and friends. Therapy might help you transition from avoidant to secure attachment styles.
CBT works by identifying harmful thought patterns and behaviors, understanding why and when they occur, and then undoing them through role-playing, problem-solving, and self-confidence development. CBT can help with avoidant attachment by addressing avoidant thoughts and beliefs and replacing them with secure attachment cognitive patterns.
When it comes to treating avoidant attachment, finding the correct therapist is crucial. You should be able to trust and feel at ease with your therapist. Even if you think your ideas and behaviors are improving quickly, consistency is crucial in therapy.
Starting to see a therapist and identifying the basis of your problems is the most effective strategy to make a change. This entails looking back in time to discover how your life has impacted your views on love.
You’ll learn to relate in new ways throughout time, find satisfaction in things other than romantic relationships, and, most importantly, learn to have compassion for yourself.