Secure Attachment style| How to Help Your Child To Develop 

secure attachment style

People who have heard about John Bowlby’s Attachment Theory believe that secure attachment style is the healthiest and most desired of all the attachment patterns we see in adults.

While each person’s attachment style is created throughout childhood, this does not rule out the possibility of changing it as an adult. After all, this has a big impact on the quality of your romantic relationships and how happy you are in your love life. To consciously change your attachment style, you must first gain a thorough understanding of it so that you may help yourself and your child. Follow PowerPAC plus to learn more!!!

 secure attachment style

What is Secure Attachment style?

When a caregiver makes a child feel safe, secure, and stable, the youngster forms a love attachment with them. According to the youngster, he or she has a secure attachment style.

A healthy, strong emotional link between an infant and their primary caregiver is referred to as secure attachment. When a parent reacts to their baby’s screams immediately and consistently, holds them frequently, and engages with them according to their signals, the baby feels safe and supported, and might develop trust. They also believe they are valuable and that their needs are important.

A parent’s or caregiver’s prompt, consistent, and appropriate responsiveness promotes brain and nervous system development. People who have had a stable attachment are more likely to be able to appropriately perceive their own and others’ emotions, as well as to be skilled at information processing and social responsiveness, all of which are key life skills.

What is Secure Attachment style?

Secure attachment instills the belief that the world is a secure place, which aids in the development of the following abilities:

  • Goal-setting and preparation
  • Taking positive steps toward achieving your objectives
  • Supportive social networks are formed.
  • Self-confidence and self-reliance

Signs of secure attachment in children and adults Children

Secure attachment in babies and children has the following characteristics:

  • Disconnects from the parent
  • When he is afraid, he seeks consolation from his parents.
  • With joy, he greets his parents’ return.
  • Rather than strangers, he prefers his parents.
  • Curiosity and a desire to learn more
  • When you’re sad, you’ll look for comfort.
  • Accepting help when it is offered
  • Kindness
  • Positive relationships with parents, siblings, instructors, and friends are important social skills.
  • Overall contentment


You’ll be able to recognize most of the indications listed here in someone with secure attachment if you’re trying to figure out what personality type a partner or potential mate has. A person with a secure attachment style stands out amid the crowd because they are confident and self-assured, making them easy to spot.

1. They are comfortable with open conversations.

They don’t feel the need to repress their sentiments and thoughts because of their solid and secure upbringing. They are comfortable sharing personal information, their past, and what is going on in their lives.

They are not afraid to ask for or offer assistance. They express their demands and desires in ambiguous yet clear terms. You always know where you stand with such a person since they are honest about their feelings and never try to hide anything.

2. They clearly show empathy

They don’t feel the need to repress their sentiments and thoughts because of their solid and secure upbringing. They are comfortable sharing personal information, their past, and what is going on in their lives.

They are not afraid to ask for or offer assistance. They express their demands and desires in ambiguous yet clear terms. You always know where you stand with such a person since they are honest about their feelings and never try to hide anything.

3. They know when and how to compromise

When matters in the relationship get heated, most likely due to the insecurely attached spouse, they know when to stand aside and let things cool down. They will gladly accept the challenge of figuring out a solution.

They will be the mature partner in the relationship, giving in and giving up to meet their insecure spouse’s needs and desires.

They know when and how to compromise

4. They are selfless and generous

Both parties in a partnership should be treated as equals and should share obligations and duties equally. A securely linked partner, on the other hand, will be willing to adapt to their partner’s expectations.

They will not insist on reciprocity even though they listen, inquire, and cherish their partner’s opinions. They won’t make their insecurely attached partner adjust their routines and behavior to fit their needs. They never force their opinions on others and always allow their partners to make judgments. Even if they disagree with others’ demands and recommendations, they willingly accept them.

5. They are honest and straightforward

A partner that is securely bonded is not interested in secrecy, hiding things, or playing games. They’re more like an open book, easy to read and available at any moment. They don’t put on a show to impress you or others by pretending to be someone they aren’t. They also don’t act as if they’re difficult to find. They will express their wants, desires, and what is on their minds in a clear and concise manner. There’s no need to make educated guesses. They also don’t expect you to be able to read their thoughts.

They will tell you directly if they are interested in you. They will be upfront with you if they are not interested in continuing the relationship. They don’t use any of the shady dating techniques that are so popular nowadays.

6. They are comfortable about commitment

The word “C” does not cause them to spin around and sprint as fast as their legs can carry them. When you bring up the subject of commitment, they are neither terrified nor uncomfortable. They have no qualms about being intimate or in a relationship. In fact, they value commitment because they are more interested in long-term relationships. They aren’t interested in one-night hookups or short-term flings.

7. They respect boundaries

A good relationship necessitates the establishment of boundaries. Just because two people agree on a committed partnership doesn’t mean interpersonal boundaries aren’t necessary. A partner that is securely linked will set their own boundaries as well as respect those set by their spouse. They will politely point out when you have crossed their boundaries and ask you to respect them. If you injure them in any way, they will let you know in a kind manner. They also expect you to reciprocate on this.

8. They trust you unconditionally

A secure partner is neither jealous nor suspicious of your motivations. They have no reservations about trusting you. They are honest and trustworthy in their interactions. They have complete faith in you because they believe that is what a partnership is all about.

They will always be there for you when you need them. You may rest confident that they will always have your best interests at heart. They will continue to support you regardless of your actions or responses.

They trust you unconditionally

9. They can disagree without losing cool

They are calm and tranquil due to their maturity and level-headedness. They always manage to maintain their good manners and courtesy, even when they debate or have differing thoughts and perspectives. Even if they disagree, they can maintain civility.

Even if the occasion requires it and they are justified, they never raise their voice. They are more concerned with making things right in the relationship than with showing their own correctness.

10. They are keen on growing together

They aren’t solely concerned about their personal well-being. They would prefer to grow alongside you. This causes them to rally around you in your time of need and delight in your triumph.

11. They are free of old baggage

They understand how important it is to leave the remnants of previous relationships behind before beginning a new one. They aren’t plagued by unsolved concerns or past wrongdoings. They are aware, though, that you are still carrying yours.

Can you change your attachment style in adulthood?

Unless it is changed consciously in adult relationships, the attachment style that was created at a young age remains the same. When a child has a bad upbringing and is reared in an unstable and unpredictable setting, they are more likely to develop insecure attachment patterns like anxious or avoidant attachment. They grow up to be self-conscious people. This, however, is not the end of the world.

It is feasible to change the attachment style to a more secure one if they absolutely want to, with patience and effort.  If you’re already in a relationship with someone who is insecure, you can help them become more secure. It would be unjust to dismiss a partner with an insecure disposition based on their past without attempting to make them feel more confident

Whether you have insecure attachment or have a spouse who has this problem personality, you can make significant progress toward a stable attachment. Whether you are suffering from insecure attachment or you have a partner with this problem personality, you can do a lot in the transformation into a secure attachment.

The following are some of the most important steps you may take to obtain a secure attachment style:

  • Recognize the effects of your insecure attachment.
  • Find out why you’ve decided to do this.
  • Make an effort to mend the wounds that led you down this unfavorable path.
  • Improve your self-esteem, confidence, and trustworthiness.

How to help your child to develop secure attachment

Use an authoritative parenting style, set routines and rituals, engage with your child consciously, embrace your mistakes, care for your own mental health, and, if required, concentrate on fixing your own attachment difficulties to form a secure bond.

Use an Authoritative Parenting Style

Authoritative parenting is providing developmentally appropriate opportunities for independence and responsibility while remaining available for support. It is neither too lenient nor unduly strict. Providing comfort when required and allowing a child to explore are two critical aspects of developing healthy attachment from infancy to maturity. At every stage of development, it’s critical to be continuously attentive and helpful, modifying behaviors as the child matures while remaining present and available.

Create Routines & Rituals

Secure attachment is built on predictable and consistent reactions. This is because routine provides predictability and stability in a child’s life. Kids feel safe when they know what to expect when they wake up and throughout the day.

Create structure around morning activities, mealtimes, transitions between activities, and bedtime. Allowing for flexibility is also vital, because pushing youngsters to follow a regular routine causes stress and, strangely, insecurity. Create a broad framework that allows for some practical flexibility.

Interact With Your Child Mindfully

Mindfulness is a way of living that emphasizes being fully present in all circumstances. When connecting intelligently with your infant or toddler, you must be awake and involved. Focus on one thing at a time when caring for your child, toddler, or teen rather than multitasking. Make eye contact with them and listen to what they’re saying. We can develop stable attachments and meaningful ties when we are mindful and present, rather than distracted by our thoughts or chores.

Interact With Your Child Mindfully

Embrace Your Mistakes

Secure attachment does not necessitate perfect parenting. Every misstep (for example, when you grow frustrated or fail to respond quickly to your child’s needs) is an opportunity to model humility and forgiveness, showing your child that no one is perfect but that we all deserve love and acceptance.

Care for Your Own Mental Health

Mental health issues including depression and anxiety disorders can make it difficult for parents to build meaningful connections and interactions with their children. Working with a therapist can assist you in overcoming mental health issues so that you can fully participate in and enjoy parenting. Family counselling and/or parenting classes may be beneficial as well.

If Necessary, Repair Your Own Attachment

If you’re one of the 35-45 percent of people who didn’t have the good fortune of developing a stable connection as a child, know that you can fill in the gaps and develop loving, healthy, and balanced relationships with yourself and others. Attachment patterns evolve with time, and we can learn to control and influence our own actions, responses, and surroundings.

Working with a therapist, having a mentor to encourage and guide you, and just engaging in meaningful connections with people can all help you transform your ideas, feelings, and behaviors in order to live the life you desire.

Bottom lines

The safe attachment style aids in the attraction of good relationships and a happy, calm life. You may entirely modify your own attachment style, as well as help your child establish this attachment style, if you have complete awareness and understanding.

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